Embracing the Reality of Family Disloyalty and Lack Of Support

The concept of family often conjures images of unwavering loyalty, unconditional support, and a deep sense of belonging. However, the reality is that our blood family may not always live up to these expectations. It can be a challenging truth to face, but accepting that your blood family might not be as loyal and supportive as you anticipate is an important step towards personal growth and emotional well-being.

Today’s lesson explores the significance of embracing this reality and the potential for growth when we let go of forcing things to go our way.

Annecdotes

Since the death of my father, I have tried my hands at different things, all in the search for success, and my family has let me down a few times along my journey. I am the second child to my mom, and I have six siblings.

Guess what?.  The number of siblings I have led me to the false belief that I have so many people on my side on whom I can depend for support and unwavering loyalty. And although things didn’t pan out as expected, can anyone really blame me for having such high hopes for my own blood relatives? Didn’t the Bible say in Proverbs 17:17 that A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity?

Sadly, I haven’t always received the level of support and loyalty that I have expected from my family, especially during difficult times. And I’ll share two short stories that demonstrate what I mean.

In 2012, our family was shaken up by disagreements, and my stepsister kicked me out of my dad’s company. She and her mom wanted to take everything away from us, including our family home.

At this time, I was 21 years old and had been working for my dad’s company as finance manager, alongside my stepsister, who was General Manager.

When the inheritance fight started, I had some savings in my account, and because I had been the only one working, I felt obligated to pay for court fees and everything else that needed money.

On one occasion, I gave some money to my brother to go pay for court fees, and it turns out the amount had been inflated and he had connived with someone else to convince me about the said sum.

It was only later that I found out that my brother had lied to me to extort me, and he had shared the extra money with the other individual who was supposed to be working on our case.

My second experience was related to a brother siding with an ex-partner who had hurt me so deeply that every single person in my family knew about the hurt.

Yet, I found out that my brother had reached out to this individual to try and get business opportunities from him, and my ex had asked my brother to do something he knew I’d never approve of if he’d asked me, and my brother tried to do it.

Doing what he did was not only disloyal, but it was equally a betrayal. He didn’t care what the impact of his actions would be on me, as long as he got the business deals, he was after.

Tips to Manage Family Disloyalty and Lack Of Support

Although there have been countless occasions where I have experienced disloyalty from blood relations, I’d stop at those two instances to share the following points in relation to what I’ve learned along the way when it comes to dealing with disloyalty or betrayal in the dynamics of our blood relations.

1. The Complexity of Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can be complex, shaped by a multitude of factors such as upbringing, values, and individual experiences.Each family member brings their own perspectives, personalities, and expectations to the table.

It is essential to recognise that, despite sharing blood ties, family members are still individuals with their own desires and limitations.

2. Navigating Expectations

Expectations play a significant role in how we perceive family loyalty and support.

It is natural to desire unwavering support from our blood relatives, but clinging too tightly to these expectations can lead to disappointment and pain.Recognise that everyone has their own journey, and their ability to offer loyalty and support may vary.

Adjusting our expectations can help alleviate the burden of unmet desires and allow for a more realistic understanding of familial relationships.When I started creating social media content, I expected my family to be my biggest cheerleader. My army that shares every content I create and urge their friends to support their sister.

Well, needless to say, that didn’t go at all as planned. I was so disappointed on multiple occasions that I had to almost force them to support my endeavours.

3. Seeking Healthy Connections

While it is vital to acknowledge the limitations of blood families, it does not diminish the importance of nurturing healthy connections.

Look beyond blood ties and cultivate relationships with individuals who genuinely support and uplift you.

These connections can be found in friendships, chosen families, or support networks where loyalty and support are reciprocated and valued.

In my 34 years of life, just because someone is your kinfolk doesn’t mean they’re your friend. And that some of the most loyal and kind people in your life may not share the same DNA as you.

Instead of hoping that my blood connections with individuals will make them loyal and supportive of my endeavours, I have learned to build deeper connections with every single person, blood related or not. And it is only by virtue of that connection that I expect loyalty and support to become natural.

4. Embracing Personal Growth

Letting go of the need to force family loyalty and support allows space for personal growth and self-discovery. Focus on developing self-reliance and resilience and fostering a strong support system outside of blood relatives.

Embrace opportunities for personal development, pursue your passions, and surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift you. By prioritising your own growth, you can build a fulfilling and supportive network that extends beyond blood relations.

Since I gave up my expectations from family to support what I do, my determination to succeed is even bigger. And that’s because I have made up my mind that I’ll prove to them that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and their lack of support is not going to be my excuse for failure.

And with this burning fire in my heart to show them that I can do without them, there’s no obstacle too big that I cannot confront. I share my own pots across multiple channels; I read books and blogs; and I watch YouTube videos to learn new skills on a daily basis.I am constantly improving myself, and when I look back, I cannot even believe how much progress I have made so far.

I truly feel empowered!

5. Cultivating Acceptance

Acceptance is a powerful tool for navigating family dynamics. Embrace the reality that your blood family might not always meet your expectations, and that’s okay.

Instead of dwelling on disappointment, focus on accepting individuals for who they are, understanding their limitations, and choosing compassion over resentment.

Shifting our mindset towards acceptance allows us to release unnecessary pain and find peace within ourselves.

In conclusion, accepting that your blood family may not always be as loyal and supportive as you expect can be a challenging journey. However, by embracing this reality, you open the door to personal growth, resilience, and healthier connections.

Cultivate relationships that uplift and support you, while also fostering self-reliance and acceptance. Remember, it is in embracing the truth that we find the strength to navigate the complexities of family dynamics and create a life filled with genuine love and support.

If you missed the first 4 Lessons, you may read them here;

Lesson 1: Embrace Independence: No One Will Be in Your Life Forever

Lesson 2: The Impact of an Absent Father: Nurturing Awareness and Sensitivity

Lesson 3: The Power of Resilience: Your Response to Adversity Makes or Breaks You

Lesson 4: Navigating Relationships: The Art Of Dealing With Manipulative Family and Friends

TOMORROW’S LESSON IS ………………………………

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