Growing up in a tight-knit community in Africa, my father was like the father of the community, and that made him heroic to me.
My dad was the most selfless human who walked the planet, and he was nothing short of compassionate, loving, protective, and above all, a hardworking provider.
The first day I had my period, my dad panicked and rushed me into his car, and off we went to the hospital… Mom was away in another city studying for her nursing degree.
When you talk about love, I DEEPLY LOVED my dad.
Many nights, I waited for him to get back from his long day at work. Opening the gates for him to drive into the yard, taking his bag and walking into the house with him, taking off his shoes and socks, and serving his dinner were things I thoroughly enjoyed doing.
Mr Tamanda Cletus Adoh. I miss you terribly
Dady often reminded me to dress right and expose less skin; he took me to his office to watch how money is earned; he took me to the most expensive shops in the city to shop for my boarding school needs, reminding me of how valuable I am.
I hadn’t cried about him for a while, but writing this opens up a wound that is forever struggling to dry up. I guess the doctors gave up.
I was proud because I knew that I had a strong man behind me; my father made sure I lacked for NOTHING!
I remember a day when the bursar of the catholic boarding school I was attending, summoned my dad to school. I had gotten myself into big trouble.
When my dad got to school, Reverend Sister A said to him, “Mr. Tamanda, thank you for making time to drive up here.
Your daughter,Sylvie, has broken the financial rules of the school. Students are not allowed to have more than 5000 francs ($10) at any point in time with the bursary. But your daughter currently has 80,000 francs ($160).
I am afraid you have to take the excess back with you. The sheer shock on my dad’s face, lol I was 13 years old and my dad just wanted to make sure that I was always okay.
He took the money from the bursar, but gave it back to me the moment we stepped out of the office.. So yes, I get my stubborness from him.
Dady set a very high standard for me and left a vacuum that I have forever sought another man to fill.
I’ll stop here about my dad before my keyboard overfloods with tears..
The influence of parental figures on a child’s development cannot be overstated. Among the many relationships that shape an individual, the role of a father holds significant importance.
Unfortunately, the absence of a good father in a daughter’s life can have profound and often underestimated consequences. It is crucial for society to recognise and become more sensitive to this fact, fostering understanding and support for those affected.
The Impact of an Absent Father:
1. Emotional and Psychological Well-being:
The absence of a loving and supportive father can have a detrimental impact on a daughter’s emotional and psychological well-being.
Studies indicate that daughters without a positive father figure may experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, and since July 24th of 2006, I have struggled with all these things.
Many daughters may even struggle with developing a secure sense of identity and face challenges forming healthy relationships.
2. Self-Worth and Validation:
A father plays a crucial role in providing a daughter with validation, affirmation, and a sense of self-worth. When a father is absent, it can leave a void that is difficult to fill.
Daughters may seek validation from external sources, engaging in risky behaviours or unhealthy relationships in an attempt to compensate for the missing father’s approval. Story of my life!…
I recently published my book, The Unshakable Confident Woman, to tell stories about my struggles with confidence and how I overpowered them. I share details of how any woman can do the same. I am also working on two other books. Ticket To Freedom and the Courageous Black Girl
3. Relationship Patterns:
The absence of a good father can impact a daughter’s perceptions of relationships and her ability to form healthy connections.
Without a positive male role model, daughters may struggle with trust, intimacy, and establishing boundaries. This can lead to challenges in romantic relationships and friendships, perpetuating a cycle of unhealthy dynamics.
4. Personal and Professional Success:
A father’s presence and involvement contribute to a daughter’s belief in her abilities and her pursuit of personal and professional success. When a father is absent, daughters may face difficulties in developing confidence, setting goals, and achieving their full potential.
The absence of paternal guidance and mentorship may limit their opportunities and hinder their professional growth.
My dad was my ever present mentor. I remember when my dad told me in no uncertain terms that I must become an accountant.
He went further to say that if i failed accounting at my GCE O level, he would make me repeat the exam until I eventually passed.
The single fear of being left behind by my classmates gave me the boost I needed to study accounting, so much so that I passed with a B. Dad was super duper proud of me.
Many years later, I understood why dad had wanted me to study accounting so badly. He knew that his company would eventually require my expertise, and that I will hardly lack a job with a good accounting degree and the right exposure.
Promoting Awareness and Sensitivity:
1. Education and Advocacy:
Raising awareness about the impact of an absent father on daughters is crucial. Educating individuals, families, and communities about the importance of positive father-daughter relationships can help foster understanding, empathy, and support. Fathers, please don’t neglect this!
2. Support Systems:
Creating support systems for daughters who have grown up without a father figure is essential. Encouraging the formation of mentorship programmes, support groups, or counselling services can provide the necessary guidance and emotional support to address the unique challenges faced by these individuals.
3. Changing Social Perceptions:
Society must challenge stereotypes and outdated norms surrounding fatherhood. Recognising that fathers play a vital role in the lives of their daughters promotes a healthier and more inclusive understanding of family dynamics.
Women, if your daughter’s father is not abusive, please, please, please.. do everything within your powers to ensure that he is actively present in her life. Stop breaking your homes and distabilising your children. The quality of our future society depends on the quality of young women who go into the world and procreate.
4. Embracing Positive Male Role Models:
Encouraging the involvement of positive male role models in the lives of daughters can help mitigate the effects of an absent father. These role models can provide guidance and support and serve as examples of healthy relationships that nurture emotional growth and resilience.
My Pa Ngwa, God rest his soul. He stepped into my life when I was 19, his fatherly aura and advice providing a reassuring calm and direction to my life, until the wicked hands of death took him away too.
And the most beautiful part of it was that we had no blood relatives. He just wanted to be the father that I desperately needed. I MISS YOU DADY J. Continue to rest with our creator. Until we meet again to part no more.
My Pa Ngwa John Che. I miss you soooo much
The absence of a good father in the life of a daughter can have far-reaching consequences that extend beyond what society often realises.
By fostering awareness, empathy, and support, we can create a more sensitive and inclusive society.
It is essential to acknowledge the importance of positive father-daughter relationships and work towards ensuring that every daughter has access to the guidance and support she needs to thrive.
Together, we can create an environment where all individuals, regardless of their family dynamics, can reach their full potential and lead fulfilling lives.
This was a difficult lesson for me to write; however, a commitment is a debt that must be fulfilled.
TOMORROW’S LESSON IS ………………………………
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