“Coach, I am so disappointed and my heart is broken. Have you got a minute? I need to speak with you please. It is very urgent,” said Lilly (not her real name).
I got alarmed and worried that something terrible had happened to her. So I cleared up my schedule and called her to hear her out.
She went on to tell me that her brother, who lived abroad, had told her he was no longer going to send her an allowance on a monthly basis. He told her that he had supported her the best he could, and going forward, she was on her own.
Lily was particularly upset that the rest of her family members were on her brother’s side and not hers.
So I asked her, “How old are you?” and she said 24. The shock wave that went through my spine was indescribable.
This was a grown woman who was making a fuss about having been cut off financially by the same person who had put her through school, although she didn’t really make use of his sacrifices.
She had also failed to pass her final exams at the university.
So I did my best to teach her the principle of independence and why she must take responsibility for her life. I even tried to make her see her brother’s decision as a blessing in disguise.
When it first happened, she was extremely bitter and vindictive. But through my mentorship, Lily quickly realised that she was all she had, and she stepped in and stepped up to improve her own life. She is now doing really well for herself.
Read also How to Stop Generational Poverty.
However, three things stood out for me during that conversation.
1.The false sense of entitlement: So many people feel like others owe them stuff. But I am of the opinion that no one who is an adult should feel entitled to anything! Some would argue that the government owes the citizens, and that is indeed a debate for another article, as we will see in the second part of this article that governments will pull the blanket on themselves without batting an eyelid if push comes to shove.
2. Ingratitude: She was perfectly okay and happy with her brother as long as she got his resources. But then he said nothing more. He immediately became the devil in the way of her better life. She forgot about all the sacrifices he had made for her. She didn’t even show any form of empathy towards her brother, who could be facing financial struggles. It was just about her, and no one else mattered.
3. Toxic culture: In Africa, unlike the west, people tend to depend on others who have fewer resources than them. They would sleep all day, watch movies, gallivant around the neighbourhood doing absolutely nothing, prioritise partying over studying, dismiss certain money-making opportunities, and expect others to work and support them. And if you don’t, they call you names, and some even plot ill against you.
I personally believe that the Bible is as practical as it is spiritual, and it is time for us all to wake up and smell the coffee.
It is time for the truth to set us all free!
There’s a reason why the book of Philippians in the Bible never said “we can.” This is because human self-reliance is non-negotiable.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
I had a rude awakening to this fact when I was only 16 years old.
My dad, on whom I was totally dependent emotionally, financially, and mentally, left on Monday, July 24, at 7.40 am, and only came back in a gasket.
Although I thought I would not live without him, I realised that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Believe me when I tell you that the ride has been bumpy. And many times I have found myself in the lion’s den, yet I have managed to escape only with bruises with God on my side.
For most women, they think that they can use “cute” to escape independence. They wear wigs, makeup, and revealing clothing to find men who will pay for their living expenses.
The thing about “cute” is that it is short-lived. Your breasts are going to sag, your booty won’t always be bouncy, and that gorgeous face of yours will surely wrinkle!
What’s going to happen then? You can bet that a man who paid for your physical attractiveness will move on to the next hot babe!
The Impact of dependence
Never allow yourself to be in a position where you are dependent on any type of system or person, irrespective of who they are.
I recently stumbled on a news article that explained the dilemma of people in the UK who are now forced to choose between heating their homes, or putting food on their tables.
As shocking as this may sound, there are people in the west who depend 100% on the government’s benefit scheme.
The United Kingdom in particular, has been hit hard by the current economic crisis in the world, and the government itself is facing hardship due to high inflation. Because the government unfortunately cannot print and pump dollar bills into the world economy as they did in 2020, dependent people are feeling the pinch.
The screenshots below suggest that people are not so motivated to work because, if they can proof that they’re unemployed, they will be eligible for unemployment benefits and universal credit.
If you are in any way, shape, or form capable of using your knowledge, skills, education, or talent to earn your own financial resources, you will be shooting yourself in the foot by trying to play the victim and live off of other people’s hard work.
In my opinion, people who need help are children who have no business working and adults who are incapacitated in one way or another.
Anything short of these two reasons, you have got to go find work!